Tag Archives: humor

Paper Trail

To receipt or not to receipt?

I usually opt for receipt. My brain tracks money better when I use paper records. I may also be one of the last people on earth that balances my checkbook and credit card bills every month.

Many years ago when newspapers and television were the only media, reports swirled around that store receipts were too toxic to handle. A few months later the media retracted this idea and receipt touching got the all clear.

The fear is back. The last few years media outlets report that receipts contain BPA which appears as a white, powdery substance.

Besides skipping a receipt prevents wasting resources on paper, ink and maintenance. Also wasteful are cashiers and cash registers. Just swipe, bag, walk out, choose no receipt option. Oh yeah, that already happens.

But maybe a swipe is too much work. Just thinking about purchasing an item should be enough. Cell phones or a chip implant identify us everywhere. They know our financial connections. Past history identifies a preferred delivery method and stuff can show up on the porch.

My OCD brain would unravel. Just how am I going to balance a checkbook if I can’t remember when, where and how I bought those shoes in my closet? I better keep my mind from wandering. The bottom line will get harder to reach when memory fails.

Death on the Micro Scale

Just a short time ago, media sources ranted about the dangers of being too clean. Being overly hygienic was a thing because disinfectants kill the good and the bad bacteria alike. The media told us to stop using too many chemicals in everyday housecleaning. Use natural cleaners and clean less often.

Media pushed dog ownership since a dog carries dirt into a house which is a boost to immune health. The internet buzzed about poop pills. Fecal transplants place healthy poop into people suffering gut infections and work better than antibiotics. Like the disinfectants, the antibiotics kill the good and bad bacteria alike. Dirty but healthy poop can heal what ails you.

Today the coronavirus puts hygiene on overdrive. Constant hand washing with anti-bacterial soap. Hand sanitizers on every counter. Constant applications of alcohol and bleach on all surfaces. Businesses advertise the sanitizer they spray on their premises daily. The good, the bad and the ugly microorganisms are getting knocked off. How will this end?

Twenty years from now, will a new generation of lawyers be advertising virus-induced lawsuits? Were you overdosed with UltraAlcoholTM during the coronavirus pandemic? Contact our office to enroll in a class-action lawsuit to help pay medical bills and garner large cash settlements.

Did social distancing weaken your immune system in 2020? Is your acquired immunity shot to hell in 2040? Contact us at: lawyers4virus.com.

Past influenzas eventually faded away. So far lawyer extermination – unsuccessful. Sifting through truth and bullshit – impossible.

A Man Ahead of His Time

Vice President Joe Biden launches a digital letter series he calls Sincerely Joe. A strong presence on a digital platform helps this year’s presidential candidates campaign in a time of social distancing.

I heard rumors that Biden went digital as far back as 1993. Impressive high-tech skills in a low-tech time.